Undisclosed Desires
by wsprsndadrk
Summary: I want to reconcile the violence in your heart...


Song "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse (some words changed)

I numbly navigate the hall with the practiced, automatic movements that come from following the same path for many years. The patterns and mazes of hallways have long been etched in my memory; I can follow them blindly and arrive to my destination unaware of how I got there or the time it took. Though familiarity allows my mind to wander, my attention would have been robbed even if I had been in an unknown place. All of my focus is on the silent shadow I know follows me from behind.

Though there is nothing to betray his presence, I know he is but a breath away. Somehow, I always know when he is near. It's as though my body is attuned to his frequency; my blood hums like I'm a tuning fork that has been struck and can play only his tune. I do not slow my walking or alter my path. I do not turn to face him. Experience assures me that if I were to turn, I'd be met with an expression as void and as stoic as a statue - but also as beautiful. Yet facing away from him, I feel his eyes burn holes into my back. I revel in the sensation as much as I drink in his beauty when I can no longer resist turning. But today, I will resist. Today, I will not turn. I don't have the courage to look at him when I speak. _"I know you've suffered, but I don't want you to hide. It's cold and loveless, but I won't let you be denied."_

I whisper the words, but I know that he has heard me. Had I kept the words inside my head, he still would have heard me.

It took me many months to discern that it was he who was assigned as my protection every time I travel between the colonies and Earth. At first, I knew him simply for the way I felt whenever he is near. Over time, he had allowed me to catch glimpses of him; he would materialize to hold a door open for me, or to give his arm and help me from my car. From there, it had evolved. Sometimes before my conference, sometimes during - but always after - he comes to me. Just like this very moment, he simply appears and, as though he were an echo to my voice, will stay by my side until he has seen me safely home. Then he will melt away as though he never was - except for the echo of his presence reverberating in the cavern of my ribcage - until the next time. But not this time. This time the echo will triumph over the voice. _"Soothe you.. I'll make you feel pure. Trust me. You can be sure."_

Though my conference was concluded hours ago on colony L3-091, I knew he was somewhere unseen. Perhaps he was the shuttle pilot, perhaps the driver. I don't need to look for him; it's enough for me to know he's there, and that he will show himself when he's ready. So it is with practiced automation that I arrive to my bedroom and pause on the threshold. I feel the blood rush in my ears. I have followed the rules of our game - I have been silent. Until now. And now that I have broken the rules, I don't want to open this door. I know that when I walk through, he'll disappear. When I turn around, he will cease to exist. I must tell him before the dawn chases away secrets of the night. "_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart. I want to recognize your peace is not just a mask. I want to exorcise the demons from your past. I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart."_

He presses his palms against the wall on either side of me, trapping me between the door and his body. It's as if he's responding to my fear and telling me not to turn around. His heat washes over me when he leans in, and I tremble. Tilting my head back to rest against his, my heart flutters when his breath stirs my hair and tickles my ear. I swallow to wet my throat, but my voice is still little more than a whisper._"You trick the world; you're wicked __**and**__ divine. You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine."_

He slips his hand from the wall and pushes the door open. Pressing my body forward with his own, we both break the threshold of the door. He grabs my wrists and twists me so that I'm forced to face him. Gasping when he dips his head to lick my lips, he sucks my lower lip into his mouth. My blood sears my veins. _"Please me...Show me how it's done..."_

His hands trail down my back to lift me by my thighs. He presses me against the wall and I wrap my legs around his waist. He trails hot kisses down my collarbone, his breath shuddering.

With a feral smile, I tangle my fingers in his hair. I pull it back to force his eyes to lift to mine. "_Save me.. You are the one."_

His eyes darken as he drinks me in. "_You trick the world; you're wicked as well as divine. You may be innocent, but your sins are mine."_

Without the pretense of gentleness, he pierces me and I am claimed. He is wildfire - and I - his fuel. As I claw his back, he growls in my ear. "_I want to accommodate the violence in your heart. I want to recognize your purity is just a mask. I want to be the demons from your past. I want to stoke the undisclosed desires in your heart."_

When I wake in the morning, it is as though I had walked through the door alone, and that he had never existed. Yet the room is full of him, and my blood still sings. Though nothing has changed, everything has changed and I smile. Clutching a pillow to hug it to myself and breathe in his scent, a piece of paper slips from the cover. Opening the letter, I see his unmistakable handwriting. "_Save me.. you are the one_."

I close my eyes and flick my tongue out to taste the glue of envelope. I can taste him on the paper. Opening my eyes, I smile wider. I know that I will be travelling to and from the colonies often. And I know that he knows it as well.


End file.
